Currently

I'm sitting on my bed in my quiet room trying to get back into blogging. Its been almost 4 years since I last blogged. I haven't got much to say except that I've grown older but not exactly any wiser. I still haven't gotten any credit to my name except that my bank account's richer by a few thousand dollars which I could easily splurge in a week. Pathetic, I would say.

I'm not sad. It's just that when times get bad but everyone else around you seems to be doing greater than ever, you start to fall back and rethink about your life, whether you are living it the right way. That's when reality hits back plunging you into a state of self-pity. You start to realize that even if you work hard, you'd never get enough. Even if you regret, there's no turning back.

Well, life hasn't been all that bad, there are some good times. Like now, I feel so blessed to have my family around me. They may not be the best that one can get but they never left me alone. I learnt to appreciate them more. I think just love being around them.

I still cry at night alone. I still get angry over the slighest things. I probably got more haters now than ever. I'm such a hard nut to crack. Sometimes I just wish I could format my brain and forget about my anxiety and fears, something that's been accompanying me to bed every night. I wish I could forget what being angry was all about.

I still have a soft spot for animals. In fact, things may have taken for the worst now that the soft spot has become a phobia. I can't bear to hear or read anything to do with animals as its bound to be something bad. I wonder if all that time in the zoo had done me any good or bad.

Did I mention we have a new addition to the family. Before your mind start to wander, no one in the family got married or gave birth. We do have a new dog, a silky terrier named Pocky. I guess I need not explain about the name. She's 3 and will be turning 4 in March next year. I feel blessed with what I have right now. It may not be the best time in this wrecked life of mine, but the good times will eventually come. I believe, that's why I'm living.